


Hate You, Love You

by moondansr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 15:29:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1095644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondansr/pseuds/moondansr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something strange happens as Castiel is rescuing Dean from Hell. Frightened of the things that happen between them during the rescue and of his own emotions, Castiel decides to stay away from Dean. When he sees Sam rape Dean however, Castiel is quick to take revenge. Dean is furious with Castiel and willing to forgive his brother for everything. Sam isn't forgiving anyone, but Castiel doesn't see that as entirely Sam's fault as Sam is slowly becoming a demon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate You, Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Wincestiel Big Bang 2013](http://wincestielbb13.livejournal.com/)  
> Art by [uke-sama-sensei](http://uke-sama-sensei.livejournal.com/929.html)
> 
> Thank you so much to uke-sama-sensei for all of your hard work. You did a fantastic job.
> 
> Also, thank you to my wife [stormlyht](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormlyht/pseuds/Stormlyht), whose love and patience are the only reason I have the energy and will to keep creating.

 

*Rescue*

 

Hell was hot, but that didn’t bother Castiel, or any of the other foot soldiers he was sure.  Temperature differences didn’t phase them, they hardly felt such things as they didn’t have flesh or really much of a form most of the time.  Castiel did work on earth, so he often used a vessel and he was sure that had he been in a vessel the heat would overwhelm him.

 

He looked to the right and the left, then he flew downward, slipping through the layers of Hell to his assigned area.  He was supposed to search the hundredth layer of hell.  When he got there, however, he felt something.  It was suffering.  Of course he had felt suffering from the moment he’d entered hell but this suffering was different, more specific.

 

That feeling tugged at him as he tried to search and he found it more and more difficult to pay attention to the area he was supposed to be in.  In fact he caught himself veering off, heading further down twice before he let himself go.  Sometimes an angel had to trust their instincts.  As much as he knew it would not be approved of he also knew it was probably worth it.

 

In his past going with such feelings had gotten him into a great deal of trouble but there was always some sort of gain as well, personal as it might have been.  As he headed deeper and deeper Castiel heard his brothers calling back their results.  No luck, no one had found Dean Winchester’s soul, and they were being directed to retreat.

 

He also heard the report of two brothers who had been trapped by demons and required rescue.  Castiel responded to none of it.  He just kept plummeting, down, down, further down until he saw a soul so radiant it was hard to look at.  The flaws in the soul only made him feel compassion for the things it had been through.  Castiel didn’t even pause to find out who he had found.  He wrapped his wings around the soul, pulling it close and began his ascent to the upper levels, heading for Heaven as he was expected to.

 

Of course he wasn’t expected to bring some random soul with him, maybe Dean Winchesters, maybe not.  It didn’t matter.  That was what he was doing.  Then demons were suddenly upon them, pummeling Castiel’s wings, trying to set fire to them.  Hell fire was one of the few things that could harm Castiel but he withstood the pain and felt no sorrow for the scarring it was bound to leave.

 

It was when the soul began to slip out of his grip that Castiel panicked and grabbed onto it with a hand made purely of his grace.  Then they were popping out to the earth realm and Castiel found himself unable to continue on.  Gripping the soul tightly he moved with it to the shade of a forest where he held it tightly, healing all of its wounds until the soul took on a human form.  That happened to souls on earth.  Now it was a ghost.

 

“What the hell?  Who are you?”  Of course he recognized Castiel as an entity and since he wasn’t human just yet it was safe for him to look upon Castiel’s true form.

 

“I am Castiel and I have pulled you from perdition.”

 

“Yeah, thanks for that.”  He sat down on the ground looking a bit infirm, “You probably should have left me there, by the way.”

 

Castiel frowned, as much as he could in his current form.  “No, I shouldn’t have.”  He studied the soul more closely and realized, “You are Dean Winchester.”

 

“Yeah, so why did you pull me out?”

 

“Heaven has plans for you.  You are important.”  Castiel was not aware of the plans yet, but he liked this soul and he often didn’t like Heaven’s plans.  He ached at the thought that this soul had yet more suffering to do.  “I must take you to your body.”

 

“I can’t be any help to Heaven.  I don’t even believe in it.”

 

Castiel had nothing to say to that.  Having regained his strength he moved to wrap the soul in his wings again.  “I will take you to your body.”

 

“My body will be nothing but salty ashes by now,” Dean replied.  He allowed Castiel to wrap his wings around him though and as they travelled to Dean’s body something odd happened.  Castiel wasn’t sure how it began, if his grace slipped into Dean’s soul first or if Dean’s soul somehow sunk into his grace.  All he knew was that the two of them were meshing, pressing into one another and it felt good.  It was warm and thrilling.

 

Castiel felt pleasure all through his grace and he was forced to land, or he would have fallen, “Dean,” he moaned, “we can’t… oh that feels good but…”  

“… Cas…” was Dean’s moaned reply.

 

Castiel couldn’t find a way to stop or the words to ask Dean to pull away.  It went on until he reached a climax of passion, screaming out to Dean and wondering if the soul was experiencing the same feelings.  He wasn’t even sure what was happening.

 

“Fuck,” Dean said a while after that moment.  “I didn’t know sex as a soul could feel that good.”

 

That was sex?  “I am an angel.  I do not think I can have sex,” Castiel returned.  Then, feeling the need to explain himself he went on, “Angels are genderless.”  Yet something had happened and if Dean thought it felt like sex maybe it was.

 

“Genderless, huh?  Well, it was more the feel of sex without the messy bits.”  Dean said, “So maybe gender doesn’t matter.”

 

“Maybe,” Castiel agreed.  Either way he didn’t like thinking that he’d just randomly had his first sexual encounter.  Why had that happened?  Not that he didn’t find Dean attractive.  He did, which made it even more uncomfortable.  “Let me get you to your body.”

 

“I told you, Sammy would have salted and burned it right away.”

 

Castiel did not know who Sammy was, but the affection in Dean’s voice bothered him a bit.  “He did not.”  Once more he wrapped Dean in his wings and moved him.  This time they made it to Dean’s body.  “This will hurt.”

 

Castiel took hold of Dean’s soul and cast it into his body.

 

“Goodbye Dean,” he said, and then he flew away before the body could emerge.  What had happened between them, it scared him and the best way to make sure nothing like it ever happened again was to never be around Dean again.

 

*Return*

 

Sam looked up at the knock on the hotel room door.  He’d been getting ready to go for a morning jog.  Ruby was still in the shower when he checked to see who was there.  It was Dean, which was impossible.  He opened the door on the safety chain and stared out.

 

“Dean?”

 

“Sammy,” Dean looked relieved.  He was covered in dirt though.  Only his face was really clean.

 

“Dean?”  Sam had no idea what to do.  He’d finally started to move on, to find some sort of purpose in his life without his brother at his side.  He’d tried to get Dean back of course but it hadn’t been possible, so this could not really be Dean.  Could it?

 

“You gonna keep me out here forever, Sammy?  I can’t even prove I’m real if you don’t let me in.”

 

“Yeah, sorry, I’ll just… uh…” he unchained the door and opened it.  Whatever this might be, he figured he and Ruby could handle it.  What if it really was Dean, could he handle that?

 

Dean came in the room and looked around, then he turned to Sam and pulled out a knife.  Sam went on the defensive immediately, ready to banish a demon, or deal with whatever came his way and then Dean pulled up his sleeve and cut himself.  “See, human.  Now give me some holy water.”

 

Sam stared at Dean, bleeding.  His heart clenched and a fine sweat coated his brow.  A part of him didn’t want to know, he realized.  Another part of him was already having a meltdown.

 

“Holy water, Sammy.”

 

“Yeah,” Sam looked around the room, desperate for an excuse not to hand over the holy water.  The knife was silver, so the holy water was the final test.

 

“You don’t have your flask?”  Dean’s voice signaled annoyance and Sam knew, he Knew it was really Dean.

 

“Oh God, Dean,” he said, grabbing hold of his brother and hugging him tightly.  “I thought, I really thought you were gone.”

 

Dean held him close as well and for a time they were just like that, then Ruby came in the room in her underwear to stare at them.  “Are you two… together?” she asked.

 

Sam pulled away slowly, not really wanting to.  “No,” he said.  She was trying to pretend she was just some girl he spent the night with.  Yeah, that might be best.  “He’s my brother.”

 

Then Dean looked at Ruby and his face went white.  He shook his head, “And you know that.”  Then he looked at Sam, “Really?  I die and you start sleeping with a demon?”

 

Sam felt his face flush, “How do you know…?”

 

“I was just in Hell Sammy, I can practically smell them.”  Dean moved in on Ruby, eyes intent.  “I think I might even know this one, Ruby is it?  After all our conversations, Sammy?  Seriously?”

 

“Maybe I should just leave,” Ruby suggested with a quick look at Sam.

 

He nodded, without really thinking about it.  After all she had done for him, though, she shouldn’t have to leave.

 

“Yeah Dean, seriously.  Ruby has been helping me find some direction the last couple months.”

 

“Ruby has?” Dean finally turned on him.  “What the fuck kind of life is that?  I leave and you find direction by being with a demon?  There are lots of girls out there!”

 

“That’s not the same, she knew what I was going through, missing you.  She knows the life we lead Dean, who else could understand?”

 

“I don’t know, any female hunter?  I mean I fucking die and I come back from hell to see this?”  Dean was in his face now and where he would normally back down, Sam found that this time something was different.  Ruby gave him a little half wave as she slipped out of the room and he couldn’t even say anything to her.  He was too angry.

 

“Yeah Dean, you went to hell!  Do you have any clue what that did to me?  I tried to get you back.  I tried everything, but nothing worked.  You want to be angry?  Fine, be angry at me, but Ruby doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.  When I gave up, when I realized I would never see you again, and started drinking myself to death, she was the one who showed up to save me.”

 

“I wonder why.  How about you, don’t you fucking wonder why?  You don’t think she did that out of the kindness of her heart, do you?”

 

“Yeah, maybe I do.  Maybe I think she wants to help me because everyone in hell is not on the same side.  Some of them are different.”

 

“You always want to see the best in everyone, don’t you?” Dean asked.  He grabbed hold of Sam, fingers digging into Sam’s arms.

 

“And you always want to see the worst!”  Sam moved his hands to Dean’s hips pushing him into the wall.  They wrestled a bit and then Sam managed to get close enough to kiss his older brother.  That startled Dean enough that his grip on Sam’s arms slipped, giving Sam the upper hand.  Sam kissed Dean again and again, his lips bruising, he was kissing so hard.

 

Alone, without Dean it had been all he could think about, this line that the two of them had never crossed.  Dean struggled against him but he didn’t think it meant much.  If Dean wanted to get away, really wanted to, he could do a lot worse.  He could bite him, knee him, put his elbow in Sam’s jaw.  He wasn’t fighting hard enough for Sam to truly believe he wanted away.

 

Finally their lips pulled apart and Dean gasped out, “What the hell?”

 

That was nice.  Sam liked the way Dean’s hot breath felt against his skin, the uncertainty and confusion in his voice and eyes.  “Haven’t you ever wanted to do that?” Sam asked, but he didn’t wait for an answer.  He pressed some more kisses on Dean and then wrestled Dean’s pants down, ending up with his hand through Dean’s dirt matted hair, holding Dean face first against the wall.

 

“Sammy, don’t…” Dean said, not even fighting anymore as Sam tugged down his own zipper, freeing his dick.  He’d just fucked Ruby before they got up, but he was plenty ready to take Dean.  Sam ran his free hand over Dean’s skin.

 

“Don’t what?” Sam asked, “Don’t take control?  Don’t pin you to the wall?  Don’t fuck you until we both come?  Which thing don’t you want me to do?”

 

Dean moaned and tried to say something else but Sam grabbed hold of Dean’s dick, “I’ll need some lubricant.  Why don’t you make some for me, Dean?” Sam asked.

 

“No…” Dean said, but he was very hard, and Sam had no intention of stopping at any rate.  Dean was always bossing him around, telling him what to do and when to do it.  For once, just this once, he wasn’t listening.  This time he was going to go ahead and do what he wanted to do.

 

Sam pumped Dean’s dick hard, again and again, relentless.  He ignored Dean’s words and enjoyed the movements of Dean’s body against him.  When Dean came, he gathered the results and spread them all across his own dick, then he pressed himself into Dean’s ass.

 

“Sam, Sammy, ah!” Dean had given up on stop and no at that point, and was just screaming out to Sam, as Sam satisfied his own desire.  He pounded in and out of Dean feeling so good.

 

“Yeah, Dean, yeah, you’re so tight, feels so good.”  Sam held Dean pinned as Dean began to slide down the wall, forcing him back up, fucking him so hard.  He never wanted it to end, never wanted to face the consequences of it.  Grabbing Dean’s dick he felt that it was hard again, and he began stroking it, determined to make Dean come a second time before he came himself.

 

Dean’s panting and moaning only drove Sam on, until he had to slow his pace, to get Dean off first.  As soon as Dean came the second time though, Sam felt his own release, deep inside his brother, right where he’d wanted to be for a very long time.

 

*Anger*

 

Castiel had sworn to himself that he would not go to Dean again, but that didn’t mean he didn’t watch him, and when he watched, he didn’t like what he saw at all.  Sammy, the little brother Dean seemed to love so much, had raped him!  It was impossible for Castiel to not be angry, and Dean obviously wasn’t going to do anything about it.  Several days went by and the brothers didn’t even discuss what had happened.  Both of them seemed content to just ignore the incident.  Castiel was not.

 

He waited until Sam was deeply asleep and slipped into his dream, recreating the moment when Sam had pushed Dean against the wall, only this time Sam was in Dean’s place and Castiel used his energy to hold Sam there.  He could feel the demon part of Sam, clawing at his grace.  That upset him too.  Castiel did not think Dean knew about the blood his brother was consuming, and neither of them seemed to realize the thing it was turning Sam into.  Without the demon blood perhaps he wouldn’t have raped his brother.  Castiel didn’t care.  Sam was the one consuming the blood, and such actions led to consequences, the human had to know that.

 

“Who are you?” Sam asked.

 

“I am Castiel,” Castiel said, wondering if Sam would remember when he woke.  He’d done dream manipulation before, but it could be tricky.  The human mind latched on to some things and rejected others.  He had yet to discover why.

 

“What are you?” Sam asked, and Castiel realized he had chosen no form for the dream.  Sam must see him as he truly was.

 

“I am an angel of the lord,” Castiel said, moving closer.  He knew that at that moment he in no way represented Heaven.  Heaven did not care if Dean was raped.  Heaven did not care about much.  They only needed Dean alive and he still had no idea what for, but he’d been looking into it when he hadn’t been doing his job, or watching Dean.  “I am here to show you the error in your ways.”

 

Sam’s eyes went wide.  “What are you going to do?”

 

“What do you think I will do, Sam Winchester?”  Castiel took away Sam’s clothes, it was as easy as a thought.  Here in this dream he was in charge, because he was still conscious while Sam was not.  Sam was more or less trapped, but hadn’t he trapped Dean?  Castiel needed form for this, so he took on the form of his latest vessel, Jimmy Novak, even though he couldn’t actually take the vessel into the dream.  He ran hands all over Sam’s body as he wondered if he could actually do this.  Before Dean he’d never had anything like sex.  Could he have sex just to punish Sam?  Would Sam even respond to him?

 

“You’re an angel, you can’t…” Sam said, confirming Castiel’s fears, but also making him even more determined.

 

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.  You have no say here, just like you gave Dean no say.”  Castiel reached down and pulled at Sam’s dick.  It was soft, as Castiel found his generally was when he possessed form.  He took notice of that, Dean’s had not been.  Why was that?  Perhaps it was the kissing.  He decided that it might be best to find out, so he started kissing Sam, who hit his head on the wall several times trying to get away.

 

“You cannot free yourself,” Castiel said, though he didn’t know if it made a difference to point it out.  Sam was beginning to harden, but it definitely wasn’t as quick as what had happened between the brothers.  What if he couldn’t get Sam to do all of the things Dean had done?  That possibility bothered him.  Perhaps he should take on Dean’s form?  No, he didn’t want to confuse things.  He wanted it to be clear that he was the one doing this.  He didn’t know why, he just did.

 

It look a long time to make Sam come, but Castiel had all night, and by the time it happened he was getting an odd enjoyment from watching the other man strain and struggle.  His own member was hard, perhaps only because he willed it, and he spread the fluid on it thickly, moving Sam to face the wall and preparing to press into Sam.

 

“No,” Sam whimpered, “please, don’t.”

 

“I remember Dean saying that several times,” Castiel said in his low voice, and he put his length inside of Sam, pushing in and out of him in a steady rhythm.  He didn’t care about coming but he wanted Sam to.  He wanted to hear the other man whimper and beg him to stop again and again, just as Dean had at first.  Sam did, he begged and Castiel made no reply.  When Sam finally came, Castiel found that he did too, unable to stop the rush of his climax.  Embarrassed by his sudden loss of control, Castiel rushed out of the dream, leaving Sam to finish up on his own.  His mind would somehow fill in the blanks left by Castiel.

 

Why had he come when he was trying to exact punishment, not trying to enjoy himself?  Was it simply an inevitable conclusion of sex?  Could it be that it was impossible to avoid, or had he harbored some sort of latent desire for the other man, the brother of Dean?  Castiel couldn’t answer any of those questions.  He had no idea how to.  His instinct to stay away from anything involving Dean had probably been right.  Even as he had that thought, he knew he would continue trying to figure out what use Heaven had for his favorite human.

 

*Betrayal*

 

Dean heard Sam’s phone beep and woke immediately.  All he did at night was drift in and out of nightmares anyhow.  He had begun to wonder if the sex between himself and his brother had been a nightmare too, one of those bittersweet one’s that you hated and enjoyed all at the same time.  He’d had feelings for Sammy for what seemed like forever, but he’d never considered doing anything about it, until hell.  He hadn’t actually considered it there either, but he’d been forced to face it as a form of torture.

 

Dean heard the scrape of the phone on the side table as Sammy picked it up, then he heard Sammy scramble into clothes and leave the room.  Dean got up and opened the window enough to hear Sammy on the phone.

 

“Where?”  Sam asked, then after a pause, “No, I’ll be there just give me,” he checked the time, “ten minutes, okay?”

 

Dean moved back into the room and dressed quickly, returned to the door and waited for Sammy to pull out, then borrowed a car from the lot to follow him.  Sam pulled into a closed diner and parked, then Ruby came around the corner and kissed him.  The two froze in Dean’s mind like that for a few moments until Dean pulled himself out of that.  He hid the car and approached, careful to stay hidden.

 

Dean needed to know if this was more than just a booty call or not.  He got his answer when the two of them headed into  the diner.  Dean moved to the diner and huddled under the windows, moving slowly until he found a place where he could hear what was going on inside.

 

“You know who we’re looking for,” Sam said, “where is she?”

 

Someone laughed in response.  “I wouldn’t tell you, no way.  Do you think I’m crazy?”

 

“You’ll tell him, or there won’t be anymore you,” Ruby said.

 

“You can’t do that,” the voice responded.

 

“No, but he can,” Ruby said.  Then Dean heard a rush of sound, and felt a strange, unnatural disturbance to the area.  It was enough.  He had to see what was happening.

 

As Dean stood, he heard the person who wouldn’t tell, screaming out in pain and he saw a strange swirling, rushing sweep of energy.  It looked a lot like the smoke of a demon being pulled from a human, but Dean recognized the energy mixed into the smoke.  It made him think of Cas.

 

Dean didn’t remember deciding to enter the building, he just suddenly was, bursting through the door like he was making some sort of grand entrance, and striding over to the scene.  Sam had stopped doing whatever he’d been doing and the guy in the seat said.  “I can’t tell you, I don’t even know.  Even if I did know, I couldn’t tell you but I don’t, I swear I don’t.”

 

Sam’s eyes widened at the sight of Dean.  Had he really thought Dean wouldn’t hear him leave when Dean was up more of the night than he slept through these days?  “So, what’s the situation here?”  Dean looked between Sam, Ruby and the tied up man expectantly.

 

“You don’t need to worry about this, Dean,” Sam said and Dean stared directly at him.

 

“Oh, I don’t have to worry about this?  Why?  Do you think I’ve forgotten how to hunt while I was away?  Or maybe I’m interfering in your love life?”

 

Sam didn’t seem to have anything to say to that, so Dean turned on the man.  “What are you?”

 

The man tilted his head and studied Dean for a moment.  “I have a binding on me that keeps me from saying,” he finally said after two tries to get something else out.

 

Dean looked at Ruby next.  “A binding?”

 

She shrugged, “He’s a demon, can’t you tell?”

 

“No, I can’t.  I don’t think he’s a demon at all.”

 

“Dean, he’s a demon.  I was just in the middle of banishing him,” Sam said.

 

“I saw that Sammy, and it didn’t look right, in all sorts of ways.”  Dean didn’t like the situation at all.  Ruby’s eyes darted all around the room.  “She did something to him.”

 

Sam shook his head, “Ruby wouldn’t, she’s helping me.”

 

“Oh yeah?  Helping you how?  By bringing you people who aren’t even demons to you, so you can kill, you don’t even know what?” Dean asked.

 

Sam turned to Ruby.  “Why doesn’t Dean think he’s a demon?”

 

She shrugged, “Who knows, maybe his senses are just off this time.”

 

Dean watched as Sam seemed to struggle with which of them to trust.  “You know what, if it’s that hard I can just go, but I’m taking him with me.”  He leaned to untie the man and he saw Ruby twitch.  Evidently Sam saw it too.

 

“What’s going on, Ruby?  What is he really?  Why are you afraid of Dean freeing him?”

 

“I’m not, I… have to go,” Ruby said quickly, and then she was gone just as Dean freed the man.

 

“Listen, I don’t know what you are, but I want you to do me a favor.  If you know Castiel, ask him to get in contact with me, okay?  Dean Winchester.”  Dean saw the moment when the man recognized Cas’ name and felt even more certain that he was the same sort of being as Cas.

 

“Castiel?” Sam whispered.

 

“If I know him I will tell him,” the man said.  “I must go to Heaven now, to be cleansed.”  There was a sound like the fluttering of wings and the man was gone.

 

Dean looked over at Sam to see him staring at the ground, his face white.

 

“Sammy?”

 

“Did you say Castiel?”

 

“Yeah, he sort of saved me when… hey,” Dean went to his brother who was shaking, hard.  He wrapped his arms around Sammy and Sammy leaned into him.

 

“Castiel, he’s real?”  Sam said into Dean’s shoulder, his head hanging down on top of it.

 

“How do you even know his name?” Dean asked.

 

“It was just a nightmare, my conscience getting back at me for you I figured.  He… he raped me Dean, because of what I did to you.”  It was all said in such soft tones Dean had to strain to hear it.

 

“He raped you?”  Dean was furious.  His arms tightened protectively around Sammy.  “What the hell?”

 

“He was angry because of me forcing you and he just…” Sam shook his head.  He wasn’t crying, but his body was still shaking.

 

Dean couldn’t believe that Cas would do that, but evidently he didn’t know the entity very well, the one who had saved his life.  Then he realized that if Cas had entered Sam’s dream, he probably could have entered Dean’s and he hadn’t.  “Fuck!”  It seemed odd for anyone to care enough to save him from hell, accidently have sex with him, and then rape Sam in some sort of attempt at revenge on his behalf, but make no attempt to actually contact Dean.  “It won’t happen again, Sammy.”

 

“No, it won’t, because I’ll never do that to you again!”

 

“The sex, or the forcing me into it?”  Dean asked.

 

“The forcing you,” Sammy pulled away to look at him.  “It felt good, but it wasn’t worth that.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’d like it if you didn’t.  Force me, I mean.”  Dean leaned in and kissed Sam then.  “The sex might be okay.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”  Dean ran his hands over Sam’s hips, then up under his shirts, touching his back.  Sam’s skin felt good, and if he was going to have sex, he wanted it to be like this.  He wanted to really feel it.

 

“Mm, Dean…”  Sam pulled away and stripped off his shirts, tossing them on a table.

 

“Sammy,” Dean ran his hands all over Sam’s chest, then licked and bit a trail across it to his jeans.  “Could I be the one inside this time?”

 

Sam stiffened, then he relaxed, “Yeah, that would be good.”

 

Dean nodded, “Let me find something for lube.”  He walked off into the kitchen area.

 

“You could just…” Sam began but Dean knew what he was going to suggest and interupted.

 

“No way, that hurts you know?”  Evidently Sam did because he didn’t say anything else.  Dean found some cooking oil and decided it was worth a try.  He returned to Sam and kissed him again for a while.  Then he got his pants off and leaned him across one of the tables.  Sam started shaking again.

 

“Hey, it’s okay Sammy.”

 

“Could we do it so I can see you?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”  Dean pulled Sam up and guided him to a bench, pushing him onto his back.  Then he dipped his fingers in the oil and used them to push into Sam’s hole, loosening it a bit as he lubricated it.  Sam moaned as Dean played, adding more oil several times before spreading Sam’s legs and crawling between them.  “Don’t fall off, Sammy,” he instructed before he pushed into his brother.

 

He’d had anal sex willingly plenty of times with girls, so he knew to take it slow.  His brother was nice and tight and he’d used enough oil that they were both good and slick.  “Oh yeah, Sammy.”

 

“Dean…”

 

Slowly he started, going deep, watching Sam’s face for what felt best.  When he found the right place he concentrated on angling in to hit it again and again.  Sam came first and feeling his hot release between them sent Dean over the edge soon after.  He collapsed on top of Sammy and for a long while it was just the two of them breathing.

 

“We should go,” Sam suggested, eventually.

 

“Yeah, next time lets do this in a bed.”

 

“I’d like that,” Sam said and Dean wondered if there should really even be a next time, but he cared about Sammy, and Sammy seemed to want this sort of relationship with him.  Was it healthy?  Who knew?

 

*Obsession*

 

At first Dean tried to hide it.  He didn’t want to upset Sammy and he had a feeling his desire to see Cas again would upset him.  Part of it was that sex he’d had with Cas.  It had been sex, but somehow more too.  With things heating up between him and Sammy, Dean really wanted to understand the feelings he had for Cas.

 

On the other side of it, Cas had raped Sammy, and Dean was furious about that.  He didn’t need anyone to protect him, and he sure didn’t need someone interfering in his relationship with his brother, no matter how warped it got.

 

So he needed to talk to Cas, and if Cas had told Sammy the truth, he was an angel.  Dean didn’t know that he believed in angels, but he didn’t have any other leads, so he began researching.  He read the stuff in between the official case related materials he would sift through with Sam.  He hid books in his bag and read them when Sammy was asleep.  He even called Bobby and questioned him outside of the hotel room in the middle of the night.

 

Sam asked him what he was doing more than once, and he told him all sorts of things, never the truth, but finally he had to give in.

 

“Dean, tell me what’s going on.  You’re suddenly obsessed with angels, so this must have to do with Castiel, right?”  Sammy had plucked the book he’d been holding out of his hands.  “It’s not getting any better, it’s getting worse.  What are you looking for?”

 

“I just… want to talk to him, settle things.  That’s all.”  Dean made a grab for the book, but Sam held it to himself tight.

 

“Does this have to do with him raping me?  If it does, just leave it.  I understand what he was thinking and I’m over it.  I really am fine.”

 

“Liar,” Dean moved more deliberately this time and managed to capture his book.  “But besides that, there are other things.  I just need to talk to him one more time, to understand.”

 

“What are you trying to understand?”

 

“His feelings, my feelings,” Dean shrugged.

 

“You have feelings for him?”  Sam’s eyes seemed to pierce him as he spoke, and Dean shivered.

 

“Yeah, I do,” he was rougher than he meant to be, not liking the fact that he’d responded so obviously to Sammy’s look.  “So?”

 

Sam shrugged.  “So nothing.  I was just asking.”

 

They went to Bobby’s.  Dean went through book after book searching for a way to contact Castiel, to call him to himself.  It was when he thought he might be onto something when Cas finally showed himself in Dean’s dreams.

 

Dean was sitting on the bed in a hotel room.  He looked up and there was Cas.  He knew it was Cas, even though this was a human form in front of him, black hair, bright blue eyes.  The eyes actually reminded him of Cas in his other form, brilliant, hard to look into.  “Cas?”

 

“Dean.”  Castiel’s voice was the same.

 

“I’ve been looking for you.  I wanted to talk to you,” Dean stood up and reached out, as if to touch Castiel.  He wasn’t sure what he would have done, if he meant to hug Cas, or just touch his arm, but Cas moved away.

 

“Yes, I have been aware.  I came to ask you to stop.”

 

“Stop?  Just stop?  That’s what you’ve come to ask me?”  Dean stared at him.  He might never understand Castiel, and he had to wonder if that wasn’t the most intriguing thing about their relationship.

 

“Yes.”

 

“I’m not stopping until I understand.  Why did you rape Sammy?”

 

A look of regret instantly went over Castiel’s face, followed by annoyance.  “He shouldn’t have harmed you in that way.”

 

“He didn’t…”

 

“Do not try to tell me you were fine.  I can see the marks he left on your soul!”  Castiel moved forward this time and he touched Dean, touched his face, finger caressing it gently.  “He left the kind of scars I cannot heal,” his voice softened and gained an edge, “and I left some on his as well.”

 

Dean couldn’t move as he felt the solid heat of Cas’ hand.  Then he thought he might be able to move, but was afraid if he did, the moment would end.  “Cas,” he began, hand raising to touch Cas’.

 

“Yes, I feel it as well.  Perhaps I feel it even more strongly than you, and that is why I must stay away.  Dean, you have to stop looking for a way to call me.”

 

Dean nodded.  He would stop because Cas wanted him to.  Also, because they had finally talked.  He didn’t really understand but he knew Cas thought this was dangerous somehow, to one or both of them.

 

“Could we… “ Dean wasn’t sure what he was going to ask.  Cas kissed him and the thought went right out of his head.  Leaning in, Dean opened his mouth to Cas, tasting him.  They had bodies this time, but clothes seemed to blink away in less than a second, their naked bodies pressed tightly together, Dean realized he was actually taller than Cas in this form.  “Cas,” he whispered, when he could, then he kissed along Cas’ jaw and down his neck, pausing to lick and suck until Cas moaned in a way that went straight to Dean’s groin.  “Oh Cas.”

 

Dean felt such a strong desire for this man, this entity.  Angel or whatever, Dean didn’t care, what he cared about was the way he wanted him.  It didn’t even begin to matter who was in charge of the whole thing, so when Cas pressed him down onto the bed, scattered kisses across him and slowly pushed his way into Dean, Dean didn’t mind.  It felt so good, and Cas set a pace that made desire build in Dean slowly, until he thought he might loose his mind.

 

“Cas!  Cas!”  Dean felt tears gather in the corners of his eyes.  “Yes, yes, Cas!”

 

“Dean!” Cas called out in his deep voice, and Dean grabbed hold of him as the two of them came.  Dean had no idea who came first, just knew that he was overwhelmed with the waves of pleasure, as he clenched his eyes closed and clung to Castiel.  They were like that for a long while, each gripping the other tightly.

 

“Don’t look for me,” Castiel said in a rough voice.

 

Dean shook his head, he wouldn’t.  “Stay a little longer.”  Once Cas left he would probably never see him again.

 

“I will,” Castiel said and when Dean woke up that was his first memory, Castiel saying he would stay a little longer, but of course, once he woke, Cas was gone.

 

*Full Circle*

 

“Hoc spatium mundavero,” Sam said clearly as he splattered holy water inside of the ring he had made of holy oil.  “Ego vocare te,” he stepped within the ring and lit the oil on fire, then named the angel he was summoning, “Castiel.”  He heard the rush of wings, and there was the form he’d seen in his nightmare.  The ritual had worked.

 

“I asked Dean not to look for me anymore,” Castiel said, frowning.

 

“Well, I’m not Dean,” Sam replied, tilting his head as he looked at the angel.  What he wanted to do was wrong, but he’d been craving it for a while.  “I think we have business of our own to settle, don’t we?”

 

“No.  That has been settled.”

 

“Not to my satisfaction,” Sam moved closer, grabbing hold of the angel.  He had promised to never force Dean again, and he wouldn’t, but he craved the rush of it.  There was nothing like having that sort of control over someone.  If Castiel didn’t like it, well, he knew where Sam’s dreams were.  Most likely he would just punish Sam again, and that would give Sam an excuse to go right back after Castiel.

 

Castiel’s eyes narrowed a bit, “You summoned me to rape me?  Are you sure that is wise?”

 

“I don’t really care,” Sam pressed a demanding kiss onto Castiel’s lips, and the angel pulled back until he hit the edge of the ring.  Hissing, he moved into Sam and away from the edge.

 

“Oh, does it hurt?” Sam asked, pulling back a bit.  “You shouldn’t try to get away then.”

 

“I will make things much worse for you if you do this,” Castiel said.

 

Sam paused, considering that, then he shook his head.  “Maybe, I guess I’ll find out.”  It was a broad threat, so he wouldn’t worry about it.  To his mind, Castiel owed him.  He’d never raped Castiel, but the angel had raped him.  He knew that the way he was thinking was warped.  Lately, his levels of anger had risen a great deal, and he saw that his sense of right and wrong was blurring, but he didn’t know why.

 

“It is the demon blood,” Castiel said.

 

Sam stared at him, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

 

“You were wondering about some of your feelings, perhaps even the things you are thinking.  Drinking demon blood will change you, make you more demon like.  Eventually you will become a demon, there will be no humanity left.”

 

Sam wondered if the angel was lying.  How did Castiel even know what he’d been doing?  Of course an angel would have some sort of sixth sense about it, he supposed.  He would have to think that over later, but for now…  “Get down on your knees, if you ever want out of this.”

 

Castiel watched him for a time, but he obeyed without further argument.

 

Sam unzipped his jeans, releasing his hard, heavy cock and pressed it into Castiel’s face.  “If you suck it really, really well, I might just leave it at that.”

 

Castiel lowered his eyes, and opened his mouth, sucking Sam in.

 

*Uncertainty*

 

Dean followed Sam into Bobby’s little metal room to see Cas, surrounded by flame.  As soon as he saw Cas, he froze.  He could feel… something.  It was deep, dark, uncomfortable.

 

“What’s going on here, Sammy?” Dean asked.

 

“You wanted to see him again, didn’t you?” Sam asked, turning to look at Dean.

 

“I told you I wasn’t looking anymore.”  Dean stared at Cas, and Cas looked at the ground.  “You did something to him.”  Dean looked back at Sammy, who shrugged.

 

“I owed him.  He’s all yours now.”  Sam turned to the door, “He can’t get away, so ask him whatever and he’ll answer.”  Then Sammy left, closing the door behind him.

 

Dean turned to Castiel.  “What did Sam do to you?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Dean.  He isn’t even fully in his own control right now,” Cas replied, moving to the edge of the flames.

 

Dean examined the flames.  The concept seemed a bit like the one used to contain a demon.  “What do you mean by that?” he asked a bit absently.

 

“I mean he’s being controlled by the blood that’s flowing through his veins, the demon Ruby’s blood.”

 

Dean looked directly at Cas then, heart jumping and squeezing painfully in his chest, “What?”  He’d known something wasn’t right with Sammy, but he would never have come up with that.

 

“It’s addictive, and transformative.”

 

Dean shook his head, and found he couldn’t stop.  “I don’t understand.  Why would he drink demon’s blood?  How…?  What can I do?”

 

Castiel sighed, “Not much.  At this point stopping will be difficult.  It could kill him.”

 

Dean stopped shaking his head finally.  “What if he doesn’t stop?”

 

“He will become a demon.”

 

“Cas…” Dean moved forward and then paused at the outskirts of the flame.  “You’re stuck in this?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“If I break the flame, will that free you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Dean rubbed his shoe over the flame until there was a clear opening in the ring.  “I’m sorry, I should have done that sooner.  Look, I don’t want to force you into anything Cas.  If you don’t think we should be around each other,” he shrugged, “I have to accept that.”  He didn’t like it, but he wouldn’t fight it.

 

“I cannot, Dean.  It isn’t right, the way things have happened between us.  I am an Angel of the Lord.”

 

“Yeah, Sammy told me.”

 

“Angels cannot… we are not expected to interact with humans as I have with you, ever.  I have to put an end to it.”

 

“Fine.”  Dean had a feeling he had interrupted Cas, but he didn’t want to hear anymore.  It was bad enough that he had to accept it when his feelings were so strong.  “If you can’t be around me, fine just stay away, and stay away from Sam.”

 

Cas stared at him, “He’s the one who called me.”

 

“Yeah, this time.  I’ll talk to him, make sure he doesn’t do this again, but you have to promise, if you’re cutting me off, you cut him off too.  I don’t want you showing up to punish him for stuff that’s none of your business.”

 

“Dean, he hurt you,” Cas came close to Dean but Dean backed away.

 

“You don’t want anything to do with me, remember?”  It was the only way he knew of to deal with the feelings he had for Castiel.  He was hating those feelings, more than ever at that moment.  They made him weak.  If Cas touched him, he knew they would end up having sex again, and so he had to prevent it or he might not be able to let go of Cas.  “I… I don’t need you when I have Sammy anyhow, so just get out of our lives and stay out!”  Dean heard a rustle near the door and wondered if it was Sam or Bobby.  That would be fun to explain to Bobby.

 

Cas seemed rooted in place for a while.  Finally he nodded, “That is probably best.”  He didn’t sound at all happy about it, but he didn’t move towards Dean again.  Instead he produced a bottle and set it on the ground between them.  “Have Sam drink that.  It will be painful, but it should cleanse him of demon blood, and keep him alive as well.  If he drinks from a demon again though, I won’t be able to help.”

 

“What is it?” Dean asked.

 

“Angel blood,” Castiel replied.  “If I were able to have a relationship with a human…”

 

Dean put up a hand to stop him, “Don’t, just leave, Cas.”  Cas was gone.  He had done exactly as Dean had asked, and somehow that made Dean incredibly sad.

 

*Two*

 

Sam and Dean left Bobby’s the next day.  There was no reason to stay there any longer and Sam was itching for some time with Ruby.  He’d run out of blood.  The only problem was that he actually was worried about becoming a demon.  Had the angel lied about that?  It seemed unlikely.

 

Dean hadn’t said a word either and his jaw had that tense look it got when he was really upset.  A part of Sam just wanted to get it over with, and another part of him really wanted to ask about them.  Was Dean really thinking of their relationship as… important?  Did he want to be together in a way that was more committed?  Could they even have that, being brothers?

 

Hours and hours of silence later, they pulled up in front of a hotel.  “Get us a room,” Dean said, nodding at the door.

 

Sam paused part way out of the car and looked back.  “One bed or two?”  They always got two, but he decided to test it, to see what Dean would say.  For a moment it seemed like Dean wouldn’t answer.

 

“Are you asking if I meant what I said to Cas?” Dean asked.  He must have somehow known Sam was listening.

 

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

 

“I meant it,” Dean said and the car started to move so Sam had to jump out and close the door, which he did.  Sam decided to get one bed and hope they didn’t end up so mad at each other that one of them slept on the floor.  He wasn’t foolish enough to think that Dean was done with him, or that he cooled down somehow during the drive.

 

Once they were settled in Dean took out the bottle Castiel had given him, angel blood.  Sam swallowed, going still.  He’d wondered if Dean would trust Castiel on that.  Dean held it out to Sam.  “Drink it.”

 

Sam shook his head.  “No way, he’d just as soon kill me as heal me.”

 

“Yeah?  Why is that Sammy?  What did you do to him?”  Dean’s eyes were hard and Sam shrank a bit, seeing them.

 

The problem with being practically raised by someone, was that when they got mad, you got scared.  It was sort of an instinct after years of having to answer to them every time you messed up.  “I didn’t do anything to him he didn’t deserve.”

 

“Really?”  Dean’s fist was clenched, “Just saying that, you are saying you deserved everything he did to you, and if you deserved to be raped because of what you did to me, than why would he deserve shit for taking revenge on my behalf?  Huh?  You’re both pretty fucking messed up if you ask me!  Now drink this and drink it all and pray, just pray it fixes the damage you’ve done, Sammy.”

 

Sam took the bottle reflexively and then stared at it in his hand.  He shook his head.  He couldn’t trust the angel after toying with him like he had, making him suck him off, making him beg to be left alone, fucking him not once or even twice, but three times before his rage and anger finally subsided.  He’d enjoyed it too, every moment of it and Dean cared about that angel.  He trusted it, enough to trust this bottle.  “It’s going to kill me,” Sam told him.

 

“Yeah?  The way I see it you have two choices, you drink that, or convince me that you did something so evil to Cas that he means to kill you, when you are all I have besides him.  Cas agreed to leave us alone.  You heard what was said.”

 

It probably would just make Dean angry if he told him what he’d done.  Sam decided he would just have to trust Dean’s judgement, even if he didn’t trust Castiel one bit.  He opened the bottle.  It’s contents smelled putrid to him.  He looked up at Dean, ready to argue again, and saw the look on his face.  Nothing was going to convince Dean short of going into intense detail about what he had done, and then it seemed like it might be a toss up.  Sam put the bottle to his lips and started drinking.  He had to fight his gag reflex all the way and then, once it was all down, he blacked out.

 

Sam wasn’t sure how much time passed after that.  He woke many times, every fiber of his body feeling as if it was on fire.  It burned, like flames literally coursed through his body.  He felt Dean wiping him down with water a few times, sitting beside him, talking to him softly.  Dean kept saying it would be okay, but Sam thought he was trying to convince himself, more than anything else.  Then, finally, he woke up completely.

 

“Dean?” Sam moaned, turning his head and opening his eyes.  Dean was there in a heartbeat.

 

“Sammy,” he touched Sam’s forehead and breathed out heavily.  “Fever’s gone, that’s good.”  Dean ran his hand through Sam’s hair.  “You want something to drink?  There’s water, or I can get some juice from the fridge.”

 

“Water’s good.”  Sam moved to sit up, and Dean’s arms were around him, helping him up and propping pillows behind him.  Sam laughed.  “You’ve been worried.”

 

“Hell no, I knew you’d be fine.”  Dean held a glass to his lips and Sam drank from it.

 

“Yeah, I can tell,” Sam said, when he finished with the water.  Still, this whole problem had been his fault.  In fact, as he sat there, remembering things he’d done since drinking Ruby’s blood…  “Fuck, I really messed up, Dean.”  And he’d raped an Angel, multiple times!  He looked at his brother, but he couldn’t even find words for the things going through his mind.

 

“You okay?”  Dean frowned and felt his forehead again.

 

“Yeah, no, I’m fine Dean, I just… I should never have trusted Ruby, that’s all.”

 

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam grabbed his hand, staring into Dean’s eyes, “for everything.”

 

Dean shook his head, “What’s done is done, don’t worry about it.”

 

“I have to worry about it.  I mean, Dean about Castiel, I… I did terrible things to him.”

 

Dean put a finger to Sam’s lips.  “Yeah, I felt that, somehow.  Just, I don’t want to talk about Cas, okay?  He’s gone, and we’ll never see him again.”

 

“But you…” Sam said as soon as the finger was off his lips.  His brother loved the Angel, and Sam thought there were some feelings there on Castiel’s side as well.  Dean stopped him though, by kissing him.

 

Sam was still for a moment, then he leaned heavily into the kiss, greedily taking in all of the warmth it offered him.  Yes, Dean had said he wanted to be with Sam.  That was good.  Sam still felt guilty, and he wanted to apologize to Castiel for what he had done, but it wasn’t as important as Dean.  Somehow the whole mess had resulted in something good.

 

“Do I have to share you with women?” Sam asked when Dean pulled away and Dean grinned.

 

“Do you want to?” Dean waggled his eyebrows at Sam.

 

Sam punched Dean’s arm weakly, “No.”

 

“Then no.”

 

“Men?”

 

“No, Sammy, just the two of us, right?” Dean asked, evidently wanting Sam to confirm he wouldn’t fool around either.

 

“Yeah, just the two of us.”  Sam thought the promise meant more coming from Dean anyhow.  Dean was the one who like sleeping around.

 

“No more Ruby,” Dean pursued.

 

“Hell no,” Sam said right away, then, “Were you jealous of Ruby?”

 

“Of course, not!”

 

Sam laughed, “If you say so.”  Then Dean kissed him again, and he felt like somehow, everything was going to be okay.

 

*Rocking Chair*

 

Dean was fairly pleased with the way things had gone since Sam got purified of Ruby’s blood.  For several months they had hunted together, slept together and only argued once in a while.  Mostly they argued about stupid shit, so he didn’t take any of it seriously.  He was feeling like the way they were living could actually work.  It was a good feeling.

 

“I’ve got it, Dean.  The rocking chair went to an elderly couple in Lucas, Texas.”  Sammy closed his laptop as he spoke.

 

Dean began packing his bag.  They’d been following the path of a cursed rocking chair for the last week.  Anyone who sat in it was committing their first born to hell by doing so.  “They have any children?”

 

“Seven, and a grandchild living in their home too,” Sam replied, packing up too.  “Hopefully they haven’t tried out the rocking chair yet.”

 

“Yeah.”  Most likely they had, and that meant running around trying to break the curse on the eldest child who most likely wouldn’t cooperate.  The grandchild might be a bit easier, depending on age and personality.  Dean held the door for Sammy, then tossed his bag in the car and started driving.  The sooner they got there the better.

 

They reached the house at one in the morning.  It was actually a good time for what they were planning to do.  Dean lead the way as they crept to the side door and picked the lock.  He looked at Sammy before they entered.  “You take the front,” Dean whispered, then he opened the door and headed into the back part of the house, trusting Sammy to cover the front.  He was half through his part when a soft creak drew his attention.  Sammy motioned him towards the front.  Dean nodded and followed him into a sunporch where Cas was sitting in the rocking chair, staring out the window into the darkness as he rocked slowly.  Dean straightened and looked at his brother who shrugged.

 

“I have no idea,” Sammy said softly.  “Can angels even have…?”

 

“Yes,” Cas said.  “I don’t, and it does not matter.”  He stopped rocking, stood and faced them.  “I removed the curse before the chair arrived in this home.”

 

“Great, well, time to go then, Sammy,” Dean said, putting a hand on Sam’s arm and beginning to turn away.  He had never expected to see Cas again, and he found that, although he was entirely invested in his relationship with Sammy, the angel still drew him in a way that was difficult to fight.

 

“Wait,” Cas said.

 

Dean took a shaky breath and turned back.  “What?”  His hand dropped from Sammy’s arm and Sammy reached out to grab his hand as it fell.  That was nice.  Somehow Sam steadied him a bit with that movement.

 

“I would like to join you.”  Cas said and the words sort of mixed in a jumble for Dean.  Join them how?  How could Cas join them?  For what?

 

“You had your chance with Dean and you blew it.  You should leave him alone like you said you would,” Sam replied into the silence.

 

“I understand what you are saying, but that is not what I meant.  I wish to join your… team.  To help you to protect the other humans by facing what they cannot.”  Cas said.

 

“You want to Hunt?” Dean asked.

 

“Yes, I wish to Hunt, with the two of you.”

 

“Surely angels have their own ways of protecting humanity,” Sam said and Dean heard the edge to his voice.  He definitely did not want Castiel joining them.

 

“I am not working with the Garrison anymore,” Cas said.  “I have… quit.”

 

“You’ve quit?” Sam asked, “Can an Angel do that?”

 

“It is not sanctioned, but I wish to help the two of you instead.  I will not interfere in your relationship.  That is in no way my intention.”

 

“I don’t know,” Dean said, because he wasn’t sure if he could stand having Cas around that much and not doing anything with him.

 

“Please, Dean.  This is very important to me,” Cas said, looking deeply into Dean’s eyes.  Ah, that blue, Dean knew it well.  He found that he couldn’t say no to those eyes.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Dean said.

 

“Dean, are you sure,” Sammy asked, and Dean tightened his grip on Sam’s hand.

 

“Yeah, if he wants to Hunt, we’ll teach him to Hunt.”  Then he looked at Sam, “Unless you aren’t okay with it.”

 

Sam was quiet for a while, then he spoke directly to Cas.  “Fine.  I’ve wanted to apologize for what I did to you, anyhow.  I don’t know why you would want to be around us, considering what I did to you, and what you said to Dean.  I guess, if that’s what you think you want, we can give it a try.”

 

“You do not have to apologize.  I have felt your regret,” Cas said.

 

“That’s a little creepy, actually,” Sammy said and Dean understood what he meant.  “Now let’s get out of here.”

 

“Yeah, it’s past time.”  Dean eyed the chair, “You’re sure the curse is gone?”

 

“I can handle removing a curse like that one with ease,” Cas replied.  “I’m sure.”

 

“Good,” Dean said, and the three of them left the house together.

 

*Discomfort*

 

Castiel did not need to sleep, but Sam and Dean were not aware of that.  He chose not to tell them.  There was something so bittersweet about lying in the hotel bed that was beside theirs, and listening to the two of them.  As the days went by he became more and more attached to the men.

 

Dean was everything he knew him to be.  He felt his desire for Dean constantly, and Dean’s affection for his brother was creeping in.  Although Sam had been quite cruel, and hurt Castiel in ways most people simply wouldn’t dare, Castiel was able to forgive him.  He had the capacity to forgive just about anything, and Sam’s essence, his actual soul, had had very little to do with the acts of violence he’d committed.  Though Sam was in no sense an innocent, his soul retained a certain innocence within it.

 

On the other hand Sam was selfish, needy and all sorts of other undesirable things.  Still his capacity to love was unbelievable.  Castiel had rarely seen such a strong heart.

 

“Is he asleep?” Sam asked softly.  Castiel knew who Sam was asking about and he remained silent, taking deep, steady breaths to make it seem he was.

 

“How should I know?” Dean asked, “I can’t tell that any better than you can.”

 

“You can tell other things though,” Sam said.  Castiel had wondered about that himself.  Dean seemed to know things about Castiel, what he was feeling, what he was going to say next.  It was very strange.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know how that works, but I know what I know, and I don’t know when he’s asleep.  He never feels asleep to me.”

 

That could actually mean that a part of Dean knew Castiel didn’t sleep.  He found that disturbing.  It was lucky Dean didn’t recognize what that lack of feeling sleep meant.

 

Sam sighed into the silence that followed.  “I want to have sex.”

 

“We can do that.”

 

Castiel heard Dean kissing Sam, a long, deep kiss.  He knew just what it felt like to kiss Dean like that.  Actually he had some idea of what kissing Sam that way was like as well.  He found that he wanted to watch.  Perhaps he could just slip out of his vessel.  No, that could cause other issues, especially if his vessel was awake as he was.

 

“No, Dean,” Sam was slightly breathless when he spoke again.  “It doesn’t seem right with him right over there.”

 

“Why?  He knows we’re together.  Do you think he doesn’t know we fuck?” Dean asked.

 

Castiel heard Sam smack Dean in response.  “Why is it, that when it comes to sex you always have to be as crude as possible?”

 

“It’s fun,” Dean laughed.  There was a bit of wrestling and more kissing.  Then there were a few moans from Sam.

 

“Dean, no,” Sam whispered.

 

“Seriously?  Do we have to start getting two rooms?”

 

“No.”

 

Castiel didn’t like that idea, although he could sneak into their room easily without them hearing, if they decided to do it.  He wasn’t sure why he liked to listen to these things, the two of them talking, kissing, touching.  Their bodies pressed close.  Castiel liked to imagine it, wanted to watch them, to see their expressions.  As an angel he’d never taken any notice of that sort of thing before.  He’d seen people make love before.  He’d seen plenty of sex, between men, women and men with women.  There had even been orgies which he’d witnessed.  Yet none of it had enticed him, none of it was like this.  Why were Sam and Dean so different?

 

He wanted to think it all hinged on Dean and maybe it did.  The instant Castiel had seen Dean’s soul he’d fallen for it.  Love, was one of the words he suspected applied.  He was in love with Dean, with the very essence of Dean and that made his judgement blur when it came to Dean.  On the other side of that, Castiel wasn’t sure how Sam fit in.  Where he had originally been jealous of Sam, and then angry with him, he now felt an intense attraction.  Was he feeling what Dean was feeling, or were his feelings for Sam entirely his own?  Castiel still had no way to tell.

 

“Okay, okay, just… hand me a pillow,” Sam said.  Then he moaned a bit more freely and Castiel opened his eyes.  He was greeted with a wonderful view of Dean’s strong, lean body as he positioned himself to press into his little brother.  Castiel followed Dean’s body with his eyes to Sam’s.  Sam had a different type of body, bulkier, with muscles that held more mass.  Both bodies were wonderful to see.  He wanted to get up and go over, touch, lick and suck at their skin, perhaps slip inside of Dean as he pressed into Sam.

 

Castiel felt his arousal and reached down to run a hand over it.  He would leave a mess if he kept touching it, but most likely no one would notice except the cleaners, and they dealt with such things all the time.  As long as he didn’t make any noise, the brothers would never know.  He ran his hand over the length and imagined being part of what he was watching.  Of course he knew better than to actually try, but he could imagine it, how good it would feel to be inside of Dean again.  To the sound of their lovemaking, Castiel came some time later, as Sam bit down on the pillow he was holding and came as well.  Soon after, Castiel heard the soft release of sound as Dean came last.  He wondered what it felt like, having Dean come inside like that.  It was sad.  He would never get to know.  No, he must never allow himself to know.  He was already doing things that could land him in exile from Heaven forever.

 

*Heaven*

 

The three of them were fighting a wendigo when it happened.  Cas had been playing bait.  When the thing got to him he was supposed to disappear and Sam and Dean were set up on the sides hiding with hand made flame throwers but Cas just stood there.  The wendigo grabbed hold of him and Dean jumped out trying to wrestle the thing off of Cas.  It was a really stupid move, something he told himself right after doing it.

 

“Dean!” Sammy was the one who managed to hold it together.  He lit the feet and legs on fire as the wendigo thrashed about grabbing hold of Dean.  For a moment it had Cas in one arm and Dean in the other, then Cas disappeared and reappeared beside Sam.

 

“I apologize, I did that wrong,” Cas said.  Dean twisted to look over and really, really wished he hadn’t tried to wrestle with the thing.  It took some flailing, but he managed to blast the thing in the face with fire as it turned to run.  It dropped Dean then, which allowed Sammy to move in and bathe the thing in fire.  Dean rolled out of the way, picked up his own equipment and helped out.

 

“Yeah, wendigo flambe,” Dean said when they were done.  Then he turned on Cas.  “What the hell, Cas?”

 

The angel shrugged.  “Heaven was calling.  It distracted me.”

 

“Do you have to go?” Sam asked.

 

Cas shook his head.  “I will not go.”  He took a deep breath, “The three of us must take precautions.”

 

“How?” Dean asked, studying Cas.  He still had a lot of questions about Cas’ presence in their lives.  There was more to it than the angel was telling, that much was certain.  On the other hand, he had to be careful not to look at things too closely, or Sam became uncomfortable.  He was rather edgy about anything that occurred between Cas and Dean.  He probably sensed the chemistry between them just by being there.

 

“There is a mark that I could etch into your bones that would make you invisible to angels, if you are willing.”  Cas looked between them.

 

“All angels?” Sam asked, “Would we be invisible to you as well?”

 

“Yes,” Cas said.

 

“Is that wise?” Dean asked.

 

“I believe it’s necessary,” Cas said.  The three of them were silent for a time.

 

Even with Cas not communicating fully, Dean still trusted him.  “Sure, let’s do it then,” Dean said.

 

“This will hurt,” Cas warned and Dean had to agree, it hurt quite a bit.  The pain was bone deep, which made sense since Cas was evidently etching symbols into his bones.  When Cas was done, Dean turned to Sammy.  It took him a moment to find his voice.

 

“It hurts.”

 

Sammy raised an eyebrow at Dean as if to say that much was obvious.  Then Cas was working on him and his face changed to reflect the pain.  When Cas was done with Sammy, Dean put an arm around Sammy.

 

“We should get back to the Impala,” Dean said.

 

“Not yet,” Cas said.  “Wait here.”  Then he was gone.  He returned with a swirling, writhing mass of fire that Dean found uncomfortably familiar.

 

“Is that hellfire?” Dean asked.

 

“Yes, it is the only way to mark an angel.  You must mark me as well, or they can find me.”  Cas drew a symbol in the dirt on the ground and then looked at Dean.  “You know how to mark with it.  Please Dean.”

 

Yes, he knew how to use hellfire.  Dean had been torturing souls almost as long as he’d been tortured.  It was something he didn’t like to remember.

 

“Why would you know how to control hellfire?” Sam asked.

 

“I was in hell,” Dean answered, not wanting to explain any further.

 

“There are many things Dean does not wish to tell you,” Cas said and irritated, Dean turned to channel the hellfire.  His first use of it was a bit heavy handed and Cas screamed out in pain.

 

“I just don’t want to talk about it,” he looked hard at his brother, “that’s all.”

 

Sammy nodded, but Dean got the feeling that the conversation would come up again.  How irritating.  He turned back to Cas and tried to control himself, causing the minimum pain as he etched the symbol into Cas’ back.

 

*Hell*

 

Heaven and Hell liked to move at the same time.  It was odd and Castiel had always been told it was a coincidence but he doubted it was that simple.  He’d wondered about it many times and he thought, perhaps, one felt the energy of the other somehow and it made them think they should get things done.  Because of the way that Heaven and Hell tended to act, he wasn’t surprised that night when demons showed up at the hotel.  What did surprise him was how well they separated Sam from Dean and Castiel.

 

Dean was fighting off two demons on the right side of the room and Sam was all the way to the left.  Castiel had been about to move to Sam when the remaining demon tethered him with a potent dark spell.  “Say no!” Castiel called out to Sam as the demons took him away, “Whatever you do.”

 

He knew that he was saying it for Dean’s sake, but it was also for Sam.  He’d slowly been gaining an odd affection for Dean’s younger brother, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it.  Perhaps once an angel began falling for humans, it just kept happening again and again.  That wasn’t true though.  His feelings for Dean had been instant.  The ones he had for Sam were developing slowly, and other humans did not seem to be affecting him in any way other than the usual.

 

“Sammy, no!” Dean called out, making a reckless lunge for his brother as the demons holding him disappeared, taking Sam with them.  The ones fighting Dean used the opportunity to nearly take his arm off.

 

Castiel was stuck right where he was, so he brought the enemies to him, freeing Dean to fight one instead of two, then pop, pop and they were both gone.  “That was not satisfying at all,” Castiel growled.

 

“Do you know where they went?” Dean asked, green eyes flashing to Castiel.

 

“Back to Hell, most likely.”

 

“Don’t just stand there, Cas.  We have to go after them.  They’ve got Sammy!”  Dean moved towards him.

 

“I have to just stand here, Dean.  I have been tethered here.”

 

Dean stared at him for a moment, before he seemed to absorb what that meant.  “How do we break that spell?”

 

“We could cast the counter spell, if one of us knew it, which I don’t,” Castiel said with a sigh.  “Or we can just wait until it wears off in about…” he pulled at the spell a bit testing it’s strength, trying to decide how long it would hold him, “…two or three hours.”

 

“Shit,” Dean balled up his fists and began pacing.  “Can you get me to Sammy while you’re stuck there?  Maybe I can get him out on my own.  I have the element of surprise.”

 

“You don’t have anything, and no one is hurting Sam, at any rate.”  It was time to explain, probably past time.  “There are things that I need to tell you, Dean.  There is a reason I came back, even though I meant to never see you again.  I found out why Heaven wanted you back from Hell and why Hell wanted you so badly in the first place.”  He had hoped that he wouldn’t have to explain it, that he could somehow protect Sam and Dean from every attempt at attaining them to seek their consent but he could not.  “Sam is safe for now, as long as he does not agree to be Lucifer’s vessel.”

 

“Lucifer’s what?  I don’t understand, why Sam?”

 

“He is your brother and Michael means to use you as his vessel.  The two of them are preparing to fight a final battle.”

 

Dean shook his head.  “Wait a minute, we have to agree to this shit, otherwise they can’t do it?”

 

“Yes, but they can be very convincing and they will shift your circumstances using fate to cause the outcome that they wish.”  Castiel paused trying to choose just the right words so that Dean would understand.  “The Fates are involved in this.  We must navigate it carefully or they will convince one of you, and once one of you agrees, the other will have to make a difficult decision, taking all of humanity into consideration.”

 

“No way are either of us agreeing to host anyone for anything,” Dean said.

Castiel understood the conviction in his voice, but he knew things that Dean did not.  There were ways that a person could be twisted, which would make them do things they thought they would never do.  He had done things which he thought he would never do, very recently.  “I understand that you feel that way at this time, but it won’t hurt to be careful.  What this means, is that they will not harm Sam.  We have some time.”

 

“Yeah, I wonder how much,” Dean resumed pacing but he wasn’t as angry as he had been.  Cas could see that his words had brought Dean some measure of comfort, and he was glad that they had.

 

*Once More*

 

They had been looking for Sam for days which meant that Dean hadn’t slept for over 48 hours.  He would toss and turn for hours before he got up and tried to use the laptop without bothering Cas.  For his part Cas did not seem to be sleeping much either, but he also didn’t seem tired.  It was a little bit eerie to watch.  Cas would wake maybe half an hour after him, and then they would go out looking for Sam again.

 

Looking for Sam meant frequent trips to Hell, or to related places on the earth that Hell used to store things or people.  Dean sat up in bed, unwilling to keep trying any longer.  He stood and found that he was too dizzy, so he sat down again on the bed.  That was when he saw that Cas’ eyes were open and on him.

 

“Oh, you’re awake.  Well, time to get going,” Dean said, trying to get up again.

 

“No, Dean.  You are human.  You need to sleep.”  Cas sat up and stared at him.

 

“I’m good to go.  I just need three or four hours here and there,” Dean said.  If they could just find Sam, he would finally be able to sleep.

 

“No, you have not slept in days.”  Castiel stood up and walked over, sitting down next to Dean and putting his arm around him.  “You need sleep.  We can’t look for him until you get some.”

 

Dean wanted to argue, but he could tell that physically the lack of sleep was beginning to affect him.  “I can’t sleep,” he admitted, “so there’s no use in trying anymore.”

 

After some silence, Cas asked, “Would it be better if I wasn’t here?”

 

“How could that help?” Dean asked.

 

“It would allow you to masturbate.”

 

Dean blinked at him, then shook his head, “No, I don’t think that would help.”  Besides that, he didn’t think he could.  His mind would go off to Sam and that would kill it.  “We just need to find Sam.”

 

Cas sighed, “Then there is only one solution.”  He turned his head and caught Dean’s eyes, “It is only until we find Sam.”

 

“What is…?” Dean began but then Cas was kissing him and his mind was not at all on Sam.  His mind was on Cas’ lips, his tongue, the warmth spreading between them.  “Mm…” as soon as he began to relax he found himself on top of Cas their clothing mysteriously removed.

 

“You should take me this time,” Cas said, wrapping his legs around Dean to pull him close.

 

Dean moaned at the thought of that.  He’d never been inside of Cas.  The first time had been something else, where both or neither of them had pressed into the other, he wasn’t sure.  The second time Cas had taken charge.  “Yeah, Cas.”  Dean ran his hands over Cas, and reached to the bedside table for lube.  There was a brief thought of Sam which he quickly pushed away.  He could feel guilty later.  There was no time or emotional space for it now.

 

Dean pressed a finger into Cas, stretching him, then another.  Cas was wonderfully tight, and his body was in perfect condition.  Of course it wasn’t his body, the body belonged to a vessel.  Still, now that Cas was inside of it, Dean couldn’t help thinking of the vessel as Cas.  He didn’t know it as anyone else.  “You’re amazing, Cas.”  Dean had hardly any restraint when it came to the angel.

 

“Dean,” Cas said softly and their eyes met and held.  For a moment Dean went still, then he pulled his fingers out and replaced them with himself.  Cas’ eyes seemed so bright.

 

Dean felt himself sink into that tight hole of Cas’, and then he was lost in the sensations and the looks on Cas’ face.  There was no thought left for anything but pleasure, his pleasure, Cas’ pleasure, that was all he cared about.  Moving faster and faster as their skin slid and slapped together.  It felt wonderful and Dean never wanted it to end.  He pressed into Cas again and again, claiming him in the only way that Cas would allow.  Then he came, ending things far too soon.  He felt Cas’ body clench and the hot release spread out between their bodies as Cas came as well.  Dean collapsed on top of Cas, spent, happy, yet sad that it was over.  Cas might never allow it again, and Dean wanted him, always wanted him, never could get over wanting him.  “Thanks, Cas,” Dean heard his drowsy voice say, and he wasn’t sure what he was thanking the angel for.  He felt himself drifting off and gratefully relaxed into the sleep that had alluded him for such a long time.

 

*Never Again*

 

It was unbearably hot.  Sam knew that this was just another attempt to wear him down, get him to reconsider, but why in the hell would he ever agree to be Lucifer’s vessel.  First he knew what happened to vessel’s most of the time and second, Lucifer?  No way.

 

What he needed to do was get out and get back to Dean.  He’d been planning it for a while and he thought he had a way.  Sam waited for the moment that always came when the demon’s watching him switched over and argued about who was watching what.  Then he bolted for the door, hit it out of one demon’s hand and ran like mad towards the portal he’d seen demon’s using throughout his stay.  He didn’t know where it would go.  He could only hope wherever it went he could get to Dean from there.

 

The portal took him to a familiar crossroads.  He couldn’t stay there.  There was no one around, no car to take.  All he could do was run and hope his memory took him to a car soon.  He hated stealing cars, but there was really no choice at the moment.  He would leave it somewhere easy to find and hopefully they wouldn’t be more than minority inconvenienced.

 

Three cars later he was in front of the hotel.  He parked at the restaurant next to it and walked the rest of the way.  It felt odd to just use the key and walk in after being gone so long.  He opened the door and stopped, staring at Castiel and Dean.  What the fuck?  He was gone for three days and that was all it took for Dean to end up in bed with the angel?  Had Dean even cared that he was stuck in Hell?

 

“It is not what you’re thinking,” Cas said.  He appeared to be wide awake, though Dean was snoring lightly.  “He could not sleep and I thought…”

 

“I don’t want to know,” Sam could finally move.  He came into the room and slammed the door closed.

 

“Sammy?” Dean had woken up at the sound of the door and was staring at him.  “Sammy?  How… you’re back?  You’re back!”  Dean scrambled off of the bed, evidently totally unaware of Sam’s mood and his own lack of clothing.  “Oh god, Sammy,” he attempted to hug Sam, who stood stiffly, unable to respond.

 

“Just don’t even pretend,” Sam sniped, pushing him away.  “I know what you’ve been doing while I was gone.”

 

“What?”  Dean stepped back, his face falling.  “You know what I’ve been doing?  Looking all over hell and back for you, you mean?”  He looked at Sam, his eyes narrowing and then it seemed to occur to him what Sam meant.  He looked over at Cas and shook his head.  “No, Sammy, that just happened.  It didn’t… I didn’t do that as soon as… Sammy listen to me, I just made a mistake, okay?  I was looking for you and I couldn’t find you and I couldn’t sleep and Cas suggested… It just sort of happened.”

 

“I am not going to be there for him.  The two of you should be together,” Cas said.

 

“The two of us…” Sam looked over at Castiel, “You know what?  You get no say in this, got it?  I don’t know what your issue is, but this is between me and Dean.”  Then he looked back at Dean, “and it’s over.  You said it would just be the two of us and you lied.”  It hurt, knowing he couldn’t trust Dean.  The best way to deal with it was to end things.

 

Dean shook his head, “Don’t do this Sammy.  It was just a one time thing.  Look I… I’m sorry, I won’t let it happen again.”

 

“You can’t promise me that, Dean.  Look me in the eyes and swear it.  Swear that if this happened again you could wait for me.”  Sam fixed his eyes on Dean and Dean didn’t even try.  He’d known it would be like that, but it still hurt.  Dean had never really been his, Sam realized in that moment.  Dean was in love with Castiel, and there was nothing he could do to fight that.  Sam shook his head, “Forget it, just forget all about it Dean.  Let’s stop wasting our time.”

 

“It isn’t a waste of time…”

 

“Yes, it is!”  That was how Sam had to look at it because he didn’t want to share.

 

*Unwanted*

 

Dean went for a walk.  He had spent a full week with Cas back to his old ways and Sam totally ignoring him.  Trying to talk to Sammy only lead to arguments, loud, useless ones and Cas kept repeating again and again that he should be with Sammy.  It was becoming pretty fucking clear that neither of them wanted him.  Tipping open the door to a bar, Dean went in and ordered a double shot.  Strong alcohol, that was what he needed.  A lot of it.  It would take a lot to bury this much shit.

 

A woman walked in, sexy as Hell and sat down next to him.  Dean looked her over.  He was a free man after all.  She might just be a free woman.  He ordered her a drink.

 

“Thanks,” she said, offering him a hand, “it’s nice to meet you, Dean.”

 

“I didn’t tell you my name.”  He stared at her, trying to make sense of her knowing his name.  Could she be a demon?

 

“No, you don’t need to.  You’re pretty well known where I come from.  The man who is trying to avoid his fate.”  She smiled at him.  “You know fate is one of those things you simply can’t get away from.”

 

“Bullshit, I can get away from anything I want.”  Dean had freewill, just like every human being.  Fate was another word for giving up in his dictionary.

 

“True, do you want to?  Really?  What exactly are you struggling for, Dean?”

 

He stared at her, then he picked up his drink and downed it, ordering another.  What was he struggling for?  Hadn’t his reasons been dropping like dead flies lately?  What did he have left?  “Me.  I’m doing this for myself,” he decided.  He still had that.

 

She nodded.  “You know, if Michael wins it will be an eternity of Heaven on earth for the rest of humanity.  You could give the gift of peace to so many people with a single sacrifice, no more need to hunt, no more danger to fight, just… peace and happiness.”

 

“Peace.”  Dean wasn’t sure he knew what that was.  It had always sounded good though.  “What about Sammy and Cas?”

 

“Your brother?  He won’t fight you, so he will find eternal peace as for Castiel, he is an angel, so of course he will enjoy the benefits of Heaven on Earth.”  She smiled.  “It’s up to you, of course but if you decide you want to go at any time I can take you.”  She stood up to leave, offering a business card.

 

“I don’t need that,” Dean said.

 

She raised her eyebrows, “No?”

 

“No.”  He set his glass down, determined to do this one last thing for Sammy.  Being alive he was no longer useful, but if he did this, Sammy would have peace.  Yeah, Sammy would like that.  It was his sort of thing.  “You can take me now.”

 

She nodded, “Of course, if you’re sure you want to go.”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

*Lost*

 

“You do miss him,” Castiel pushed.  He’d been working on Sam for a week and having no luck.  He did not understand the stubborn refusal to bend.  Sam loved Dean and Dean loved Sam.  There were no mandates from Heaven, or Angels standing in their way.

 

“It doesn’t matter.  He cheated on me.  Which part of that don’t you understand?”

 

“The circumstances were extreme.”  Castiel looked for words he had not thought of to say yet, because these words he’d already tried and they didn’t work.  He came up with a crazy notion.  “You could have sex with me too and then the two of you would be even.”  What came to him as a surprise, was the wash of desire he had for Sam just after saying it.

 

“No, we would not be even.”  He did have Sam’s attention, however.  Sam’s hazel eyes held him for a time, oddly intense.  “You want to have sex with me?”

 

“I didn’t say that,” Castiel pointed out and then when Sam started to look away he admitted, “yes.”

 

Sam’s eyes came back to him.  “Why?  You’re in love with Dean.”

 

“I am…” he’d been about to deny it but there was no getting around that fact.  He was.  “A person can love more than one person.  Dean does.”

 

“No,” Sam shook his head, “Dean loves you.”

 

“Not as much as he loves you.”

 

“More.”

 

“No, it is not the same.  He knows you and he loves you.  Dean hardly knows me.”

 

“How does that prove he loves me more,” Sam asked and Castiel found he had a hard time grasping the words to explain.

 

“It just does.”  He pressed in on Sam, “You will not resume the relationship because you think he loves me more?”  That had never occured to him, but it looked to be the truth.  “I cannot be with him, Sam.  There are strict laws against relationships between angels and humans like that.  It would endanger Dean as well as me.”

 

“Then you should leave!”

 

“No!  I need to be here to make sure that neither one of you end up giving in.”

 

The two of them had somehow ended up nose to nose.  It was easy for Castiel to lean in and kiss Sam, so he did.  The mention of the two of them having sex, actual sex with consent on both sides, excited him.  His desire for it intrigued him, and the temptation was becoming more difficult to avoid as time went on.  He’d given in to his desire for Dean too many times, he supposed.  Surprisingly, Sam responded with interest.

 

“It isn’t the same,” Sam said when he pulled away.  “Dean did it after promising not to.”

 

“His heart never strayed, Sam.  That should count for something.”  Castiel pled with Sam using his eyes.

 

Sam sighed and looked down.  “I’ll think about it, Cas.”  Then he leaned in for another kiss but Castiel pulled away.

 

“You have never called me that before.”

 

“Does it bother you?”

 

Castiel considered it.  “No.”  There was too much happening at once to him in that moment mentally.  He did something very irresponsible, and shoved it all aside.  “Do you want to… have sex with me?”

 

“Yeah Cas, I do,” Sam moved in again and this time Castiel did too, meeting him in a fierce kiss, charged with desire.  Sam pressed him against the wall and for a while it was all lips and tongues, then Castiel pressed Sam across to the bed, tumbling down on top of him and removed their clothes.  Sam gasped, then they were exploring each other’s bodies with fingers, lips and tongues.  Somehow Castiel ended up underneath Sam, Sam’s mouth around his dick, sucking and licking it until Castiel screamed out to him.

 

It was at that very moment, as Castiel screamed out to Sam, that he felt Dean entering Heaven and all of his desire melted away.

 

“Cas?”

 

He sat up, eyes wide.  “It’s Dean.  I believe he intends to agree to host Michael.”

 

“Dean would never agree to be someone’s meat suit,” Sam objected but Castiel shook his head.

 

“I don’t know that, do you know that Sam?”

 

“Shit,” Sam looked all around for his clothes, which Castiel put back on him with a thought.  He had his own clothes as well.  “What should I do?”

 

“We must change his mind,” Castiel said, looking at Sam, “show him that we do not want him to sacrifice himself, for such a thing.  I have an idea.”  It might work, it all depended on Sam and Dean and how well he had come to understand them.  Castiel realized that he needed to put everything on the line if he wanted to pull this off, and with a jolt of surprise he realized that he was totally willing to do that after all.

 

*Saved*

 

Dean sat in a brightly lit waiting room.  It seemed wrong for Heaven to have such a thing.  Waiting rooms were a part of earth that seemed better off not duplicated in a place that was supposed to be good.

 

“Dean,” a male voice said and Dean stood up, staring at the figure that glowed before him.  Angel’s seemed to have colors to them.  Where Dean thought of Cas as bright blue, Michael struck him right away as yellow, bright and overpowering.

 

“You have to be Michael,” Dean said and Michael nodded.

 

“I have been told that you’ve decided to allow me to use you as a vessel.”

 

Dean had to remind himself why he was doing it before he could answer, but it really was for the best.  He was only a burden to Cas and a reminder of his mistake to Sammy.  They would be happier with him gone.  This was the last thing he could do for them, something to make things better for them, for all of humanity actually.  “Y…” Dean began.

 

“No Dean, don’t!”  It was Castiel.  Dean knew the voice well but Cas had been hiding from the angels.

 

“Cas?” Dean asked, turning to look towards the voice.

 

“Remove him,” Michael instructed four angels that came out of nowhere, swooping in on Cas with strange blades drawn.

 

“Remember what I told you, about fate,” Cas said as he fought the angels off.  Michael had said remove him, but it looked like the angels were trying to kill him, and Dean didn’t like that at all.  He turned to Michael.

 

“If you hurt Cas, the deal is off,” he said.

 

“I will not hurt him.  Just finish agreeing and I will send him back to earth.”  Michael smiled and Dean didn’t trust what he saw there.  He turned and charged into the fray, depending on his usefulness to shield him from the blades.  Kicking an angel, hard, he got hold of their weapon, and turned towards the next nearest angel.

 

“Get away from Cas,” Dean instructed.

 

Michael was watching and Dean saw out of the corner of his eye that the angel was trying to make a decision.  The next moment, Cas grabbed hold of Dean and the two of them were falling, down, down, down.  The world rushed madly past Dean’s eyes.

 

“You told me you would never,” Cas accused, speaking into his ear as they fell.

 

It hadn’t even been that long ago.  “Heaven on earth would be a good thing, right?” Dean asked.  “Wouldn’t it make you happy?”

 

“No,” Cas replied as they landed on the ground in a forested area, “It would not.”

 

“No?  Well what would make you happy, Cas?”  Dean met bright blue eyes with his own, irritated.  Cas wanted him, but didn’t want him near.  He wanted Sam and Dean together.  He wanted Dean to say no to Heaven on earth.  It was hard to make sense of it all together and he couldn’t imagine how any of that would make Cas happy.

 

“You, alive and well.  That would make me happy.”

 

“As long as I’m nowhere near you,” Dean said.

 

“No, I… would like you to be near me, with me even.  We would be breaking a lot of rules, and it could cause you to be hunted, but I… I would be happy to be with you, Dean.”

 

Dean stared at him.  After all of the other things Cas had said and done he had trouble believing it.  “Really?”

 

“Yes.  It was a mistake not to give you the option.  I wanted to keep you from the danger being with me would bring to you.  I didn’t understand that it might hurt you more to keep you at a distance, then it would to explain.”

 

Dean shook his head, “Whatever, Cas, you know what… whatever.  I don’t even know what to say.  You kept telling me it was better for us not to be together, now it’s up to me?  You know what?  It’s up to you.  You make sure you decide what you really want before we talk about this again.”

 

“But I do know…”

 

“Where’s Sammy,” Dean demanded, mostly in an effort to interrupt.  He thought that Castiel should take some time considering how abruptly he seemed to have changed his mind.

 

“He’s at the hotel,” Castiel said, his voice subdued.

 

“Fine, let’s go.”

 

*Unconditional*

 

The hotel room was silent when they entered and it took a few moments for Dean to find Sammy tied to one of the beds, naked, mostly because that wasn’t what Dean was expecting.

 

“Sammy, why are you tied to the bed?”

 

“He’s a gift,” Cas said, there was some uncertainty in his voice.

 

“A gift?  What is wrong with you two?”  Dean went over to the bed and untied Sammy.  “Look, I don’t want either one of you as a gift, got it?”  He looked between them.  “I don’t even know why I’m here.  You don’t want Heaven on earth, fine.  What do you want?”

 

“I told you…” Cas began and Dean cut him off.

 

“What do you want, Sammy?”  He looked at his younger brother who he wanted.  Who was he kidding, he wanted them both, that was the problem.

 

“I want you,” Sammy replied and it was maddening.

 

“You’ve hardly talked to me for days.  Now you want me?  Why?”

 

“I didn’t stop wanting you, I was just jealous,” Sammy said.  Dean couldn’t argue that but he’d tried to get Sam past that again and again.

 

“What changed?”  Dean asked, then he watched Sam look over at Cas and saw the two exchange a very strange, guilty, look.  Okay, so this had something to do with both of them.  

 

“Did you two fuck?”  Dean grinned at them.  He knew they’d had sex before but that had been the traumatic, hurtful rape type.  Those were not, “you raped me” glances they were exchanging.

 

“Sort of,” Sammy said.

 

“Yes,” Cas said at the same time.  Then they turned their guilty looks on him.

 

“Don’t give me those looks.  If you two want to feel guilty about it that’s your gig.  I’m not making you feel that way,” Dean laughed.  If they had wanted to be together without him they wouldn’t have gone through so much trouble to get him back, so what were they thinking?  He looked back and forth and decided this could be pretty damn fun.  He didn’t see any element of decisiveness in their eyes though.  They were still figuring things out, then.

 

“Dean…” Sam began but Dean stood up.

 

“No, I’m not going to figure this one out for you.  I am going out for a burger and fries.”

 

“But Dean…” Cas started.

 

“I won’t say yes to any random chic’s who want me to go to Heaven,” Dean said holding up a hand to stop Cas.  “I promise.  How did she find me anyhow?  I thought we were invisible to Angels?”  Dean gestured to his chest vaguely since the marks were in there somewhere.

 

“You are.  She was a Fate.  I should have considered that possibility,” Cas said.

 

“A Fate… alright, we’ll talk about that later.  You two just talk and make up your minds.  I don’t think I should have to be involved in all that.  You both know how I feel.”

 

“No, we don’t,” Sammy stopped him with a hand on his arm.  “I know you wanted to be with me again, but I don’t know how you feel about Cas.”

 

Dean looked at Cas.  His face was completely unreadable and he didn’t say anything.  Dean looked back at Sammy, “I don’t know what it is with Cas, Sammy.  It’s important, but not the same as what I have with you.”  He hated this sort of conversation.  Dean debated leaving the question unanswered, just getting out while he could, but a part of him knew that wasn’t really what he wanted.  It was looking like he had a chance to have them both.  Dean wanted that, enough to stay and have this conversation after all.

 

“Would you rather be with him?  If Cas would be with you, do you love him more…” Sam was interrupted then.

 

“That is unfair,” Castiel said, “you shouldn’t ask him to choose between us like that.”

 

“I guess, it’s what caused the problem in the first place but,” Sam stared at Dean, “I can’t be in a relationship where I’m not sure the other person is going to be there.”

 

“What if it was the other people?” Cas asked.  Dean’s eyes flickered to him.  Did he know?  Dean could sense things about Cas all the time so maybe Cas could sense what Dean wanted.

 

“Would you?”  Dean asked Cas before Sammy answered.  “You aren’t going to worry it will put us in danger?”

 

“Of course I will worry, but if the two of you would take me in that way…”

 

“Wait a minute,” Sammy interrupted this time.  “Are we talking about all three of us, together?”

 

“Yeah,” Dean answered, looking at his younger brother and wondering what that would really be like.  Touching Sam, touching Cas, having them both close, at the same time.  Definite total turn on, he didn’t have to question that, for him at least.

 

“I…” Sammy’s eyes wandered between them, “you would do that?  Both of you?”

 

“Yeah, Sammy,” Dean said.

 

“I believe it would be quite pleasant,” Cas reached out and touched Sammy.  “We could finish what we started.”  Dean grinned and watched Sammy blush at that suggestion.

 

“Is this gonna be a private thing or will I be getting an invite?” Dean asked.

 

“It’s…” Sammy looked at him, “Is it okay?  For me to want you and want him?  Can that really work?”

 

“One way to find out,” Dean leaned in and kissed his brother long, and hard.  It felt so good.  He’d been missing that closeness.  He’d even given up on it after a while.  Cas was close by, so when he finished kissing Sammy, he moved to the side and began kissing Cas.  Dean felt dizzy after that.  “Intense,” he half whispered, before Sam was claiming his mouth again, and Cas started running his hands over Dean’s chest, pausing to pinch a nipple, then moving in to kiss down Dean’s neck.  Sammy broke off and Cas kissed Sammy, crushing Dean between them.  Dean watched their mouths, their lips, feeling his dick twitch and try to free itself.

 

“He’s really hard,” Sammy said, rubbing his leg against Dean’s dick.

 

“You can have him this time, if you don’t mind me in you,” Cas said.

 

“Am I getting any say in this,” Dean asked, not sure what he would say if he did.

 

“Only if you don’t want it,” Sammy said, his hands on Dean’s hips.  “You were the one who said there was one way to find out.”

 

“Yeah,” Dean said.  Then everyone’s clothes were gone, thanks to Cas, and there was so much skin that discussion was out.  Dean moaned and reached out for Sammy, feeling Cas hard against his ass.  He was kissing Sam again, then Cas, then he was on his knees, licking Sammy and suddenly Cas was right beside him bumping into him awkwardly as they both went after Sam’s hard length.  For a while the two of them licked and sucked, then somehow they ended up kissing each other, until Cas lowered Dean onto the floor, and he felt Sammy between his legs, stretching his hole a bit before pushing into it.

 

Dean would have called out to Sammy but Cas’ mouth and tongue were keeping him occupied.  All of the sensations were pulsing through him, heat, desire, passion, more.  Then Cas broke away.

 

“Sammy,” Dean managed, meeting his brother’s eyes as Cas  moved behind Sammy.  He saw Sam’s eyes change, the way they did when he was the one on bottom but he was inside Dean.  It seemed odd and hot, very hot.  Dean moaned again as Sammy pressed into him more insistently.  He could feel the rhythm change with all three of them involved.  “Yeah.”

 

Far too soon he was coming, and he had no idea who came next or if either of them came first.  They ended in a pile of hot, sweaty limbs, sticky and satisfied.  For a long time Dean didn’t say a word.  It was Cas who broke the silence.

“It will be dangerous.  The angels won’t approve.”

 

“Fine,” Sammy said.

 

“We can handle it,” Dean said at the same time.

 

“Then, I would very much like to be with you.  Both of you.”

 

“Yeah, me too,” Sammy said.

 

Dean felt more alive than he had in a long time.  Instead of answering the unspoken question though Dean went with, “Hey, is it too soon to do that again?”

~~~~~~~~~~

The End


End file.
